From Minister Paulson

by wjw on September 23, 2008

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude. I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America.

My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully, Minister of Treasury Paulson

Cat Rambo September 23, 2008 at 11:58 pm

That was perfect.

Thai September 24, 2008 at 12:18 am

Nice job.

Having said that, and still opposed to the bailout, Paulson is correct. IF congress does not purchase these assets, it will be the great depression (only to repeat it will be worse if we do purchase them imo).

Today America faces what is called a “Minsky” moment and we have ONLY 2 choices.

1. A Japan style deflation if the government does not start printing and spending. Note even quantitative easing (i.e. printing money) will not work under NORMAL treasury repos auctions. Something that we have not experienced in America in almost 80 years and something which is absolutely devastating to people in debt- remember William Jennings Bryan’s “Cross of Gold” speech?

IF we have this the ONLY thing you want is paper US dollar cash under your mattress.

2. Hyperinflation (a la Weimar Germany)- Which you will see IF the fed start printing money AND uses that money to fund ongoing government operations.

IF we have this the ONLY thing you want to own is “things” like property (but not now because of the bubble), commodities, gold, etc…

And of course the problem is if you choose 100% in one and the other happens, you will be wiped out as they are diametrically opposite investment approaches.

And if you think it is bad here, look at England.

dubjay September 24, 2008 at 2:15 am

I don’t want to take credit for this one, it’s an anonymous spoof circulating on the Internet.

It was sent to me by Ty Franck, but he denies authorship.

Ralf the Dog September 24, 2008 at 3:12 am
Ralf the Dog September 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Sorry for the double post. I want to respond to thai, but I wanted to think about it first.

The United States will choose a balanced approach. My first thought was Deflation on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, inflation on Tuesday and Thursday. The problem is that will give one more day a week of deflation.

My guess is that on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, the fed will flip a coin. Heads is inflation, tails will be deflation.

Now listen carefully, this is the key to understanding government thinking. On Tuesday and Thursday heads will be deflation, tails will be inflation. A committee will be appointed to form a study group to find a balanced solution to holidays.

If we truly want to solve this problem we need to understand the key reason governments exists. The function of government is first and foremost to stop stupid or evil people from doing stupid or evil things that hurt others.

I have no problem with stupid or evil people doing stupid or evil things to themselves.

Thai September 24, 2008 at 7:12 pm

Well said. I agree

Thai September 24, 2008 at 7:36 pm

Looks like you were right as it is Wednesday.

Morgan September 27, 2008 at 5:16 pm

Heh! It’s perfect and gone viral. Lovely how that works.

Ken Houghton September 27, 2008 at 11:54 pm

It’s not anonymous. It was written by my coblogger at AngryBear, Spencer England (who usually does much more serious posts).

Thai September 28, 2008 at 3:22 am

Ken, I love your blog!

Along with Mish, Sudden Debt, Calculated Risk, Nakedcapitalism, Accrued Interest, Jesse’s Cafe Americain, Brad Stetser, Roubini and all the others (there are simply too many to name), you really do a great job.

Thanks for all you publish from another blog!

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