Canadian Scientists Prepare for Zombie Attack

by wjw on August 22, 2009

The Canadians remain far ahead of us in the realm of public health. They’re preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse.

Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: “We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions.”

To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.

“While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said . . .

In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.

They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

{from Deborah P Kolodji}

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

robp August 22, 2009 at 6:13 am

Can't we just deal with them as we have in the past, by electing them?

saladinahmed August 23, 2009 at 2:37 pm

I guess the question mark in the researcher's name stands for 'Is this the lead singer from The Cure, or what?'

Hmmm. Black-clad eyeshadow-wearing 80s alt-rocker becomes the Van Helsing of modern anti-zombie science? There's a goth-kid-demographic-exploiting goldmine of a novel in here somewhere…

Ty August 24, 2009 at 11:14 pm

I plan to shoot them in the head with my shotgun.

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