Creeping On Little Cat Feet . . .

Okay, kinda scared now . . .

Turns out that cats can alter our brains.   I mean literally restructure them. I mean, change our freaking behavior.

Well, not cats actually.  A parasite that lives in cats, Toxoplasma gondii.

It’s long been known that Toxoplasma can physically alter the brains of rats, to make them sexually attracted to the smell of cat urine.  It also eliminated the fear response, which means they lose their fear of predators.  This makes them want to hang around cats, who of course eat them, thus eating the parasite.  When the cat excretes the eggs of the parasite, rats or other animals may eat the feces, and start the cycle all over again.  Yum.

Somewhere between 10 and 20 percent of North Americans are infected with Toxoplasma.  And 40 percent or more of Europeans (who eat more raw meat and are thus more likely to be exposed to the parasite). In the developing world, it’s more like 90% in some places.

(And it’s EATING OUR BRAINS!!!  YAAAAAAH!!!)

It’s long been assumed that Toxo doesn’t affect humans, because we’re not a part of its life cycle.  Turns out we were wrong.

Czech scientist Jaroslav Flegl has been studying Toxo for over twenty years, though his lack of English skills and his position at underfunded Charles University in Prague has resulted in his works not being known in the West till fairly recently.  Now his findings are being confirmed by researchers elsewhere.

(OUR BRAINS!!!  OUR BRAINS!!!)

Here’s what Toxo will do to you.

It will make you less afraid of, say, walking in front of cars, or being caught in a firefight.  (A couple of Turkish studies suggest that Toxo may be responsible for thousands of car accidents each year.)

Toxo will slow your reaction time.  (It really wants that big, furry predator to get you.)

Compared with uninfected people of the same sex, infected men were more likely to wear rumpled old clothes; infected women tended to be more meticulously attired, many showing up for the study in expensive, designer-brand clothing. Infected men tended to have fewer friends, while infected women tended to have more. And when it came to downing the mystery fluid, reports Flegr, “the infected males were much more hesitant than uninfected men. They wanted to know why they had to do it. Would it harm them?” In contrast, the infected women were the most trusting of all subjects. “They just did what they were told,” he says.

Why men and women reacted so differently to the parasite still mystified him. After consulting the psychological literature, he started to suspect that heightened anxiety might be the common denominator underlying their responses. When under emotional strain, he read, women seek solace through social bonding and nurturing. In the lingo of psychologists, they’re inclined to “tend and befriend.” Anxious men, on the other hand, typically respond by withdrawing and becoming hostile or antisocial. Perhaps he was looking at flip sides of the same coin.

Toxo can give you a form of schizophrenia where your brain literally shrinks.  (Nearly all tested schizophrenics with brain shrinkage were infected with Toxo.) (And it turns out that schizophrenia was an extremely rare disease until people began living with cats in their homes.)

It may increase testosterone production in human males, which may make them more attractive to women, which may result in the parasite being transmitted sexually.  (It’s not known whether Toxo can be transmitted sexually between humans, though it can by animals.)

I don’t know if there’s been a study done on crazy cat ladies yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if . . . well, you can finish that sentence, I’m sure.

(It’s eating our brains!!!  Our brains!!!)

Is there a cure?  Why no, of course not.  Once your brain gets eaten, it stays eaten.

Once your behavior is changed, it will stay changed.

No free will with Toxo.  Assuming of course that you can have free will without it.

(My BRAIN!!!  MY PRECIOUS BRAIN!!!)

I’m going to go hide in the closet now.  But I know that my cat will be just outside, waiting for me when I come out.