Galactic Onanation Device

Happy Holidays, everybody!  Jesus is returning!

As a Borg!

On a Cube!

Which is disguised as a comet!

And you can prove this through scripture!

Via io9, the exciting new UFO theory so insanely implausible and dimwitted that of course tens of thousands of people believe in it without question.

Conspiracy theorists believe that Comet Elenin is rapidly approaching Earth, and that it’s a perfect cube. A cube piloted by cyborgs who seek to assimiliate the human race into their collective. A Borg Cube, in other words. Yes, the writers of Star Trek: The Next Generation “were being prophetic” when they created the Borg . . .

(At NASA, of course, the mindless dupes of the Borg claim that Comet Elenin disintegrated on its near approach to the sun.  As if anyone would believe them.)

So Comet Elenin wasn’t actually destroyed, and it’s a perfect cube, and this proves the Borg are real. Okay. But it doesn’t stop there — apparently this Borg cube is known as the Galactic Obliteration Device, or G.O.D. for short. And there’s tons of evidence that Christianity and the Bible are really about how Jesus is a Borg and he’s coming to assimilate us.

So if you hear someone on the roof this Christmas Eve, it isn’t Santa— IT’S THE BORG JESUS, COME TO EAT YOUR BRAIN!

PUT ON YOUR TINFOIL HATS NOW!!!