Iranian Politics Explained

If you’ve ever wondered why Iranian politics are so strange, perhaps the answer is now at hand.  It seems that the president’s inner circle has been relying for advice on “djinn, fairies, and demons.”

We have this on no less an authority that Ayatollah Khamenei, Iran’s Supreme Leader, whose spat with President Ahmadinejad’s court has now reached metaphysical proportions.

The current problem began a couple weeks ago when Ahmadinejad fired his intelligence minister.  Khamenei ordered him reinstated.  Ahmedinejad balked.

Now, it turns out that Khamenei has no constitutional authority to fire or hire cabinet ministers.  But he does have the authority to prosecute witches!

Supporters of Khamenei say that Ahmadinejad is surrounded by “deviants” in his inner circle, including his controversial chief of staff, Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei, who wants to undermine the involvement of clerics in Iran’s politics. Mashaei and his allies have recently been accused of using supernatural powers and invoking djinns (spirits) in pursuing the government’s policies.

On Thursday, the commander of the powerful revolutionary guards, Mohammad Ali Jafari, was quoted by the semi-official Fars news agency as saying: “People [close to Khamenei] are not relying on djinns, fairies and demons … and they will not stand any deviation [of the government in this regime].”

So it’s pretty clear what Khamenei is saying: Obey me or I’ll continue to arrest all your friends for sorcery.

(I don’t know what the penalty for sorcery is in Iran, but I can guess.  I mean, the penalty for everything else is death, right?)

Since Ahmadinejad relied on Khamenei’s Revolutionary Guard and Hezbollah thugs to crush the opposition in Iran’s disputed election a couple years ago, I’d say the President is fast running out of options.   After all, he killed, tortured, imprisoned, raped, and beat all the liberals who would otherwise be supporting him now.

Ahmadinejad can either knuckle under and surrender what remains of his independence, or he can resign and never be heard from again, possibly disappearing into the same gulag into which he disappeared his enemies in 2009.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, in my view, though it’s a shame this all strengthens Khamenei, for all that the witchcraft business exposes him to the ridicule of the sane half of the planet.

On the other hand, maybe the President will be rescued by a djinni!  That would be kinda cool.