Nine Votes

The stats released from the Hugo voting at Worldcon have shown that Implied Spaces came just nine votes short of getting a Hugo nomination. Of course that also means that Implied Spaces came but nine votes short of being turned into an asphalt angel by Neil Gaiman’s Invincible Award-Winning Steamroller— but then if that happened, I’d find myself in pretty good company.

I would like to offer sincere thanks for any of you who voted for Implied Spaces. And if you didn’t, there’s a copy of This Is Not a Game I’d like to sell you.

It was George RR Martin who told me about falling short in the Hugo voting, and he immediately suggested a remedy that would get me on next year’s Hugo ballot.

“You’ve got to go out and seduce nine women,” he said. “Preferably Australian, preferably members of the 2010 Aussie Worldcon.”

“Of course,” said Gardner Dozois, who was kibitzing. “Strictly speaking, it doesn’t have to be women.”

“Yes,” I said firmly, “it does.”

Leaving aside the moral and family questions of which Kathy will doubtless remind me some time in the next 24 hours, George’s plan seems problematic. Since female Australian fans presumably talk to each other, and since some might object to my pursuit of others while I pursue them, they might get angry and vote against me. Which means that I have to acquire a safety margin, and seduce more than nine women. Say, 20. And do it all before next March or so, when the ballots are distributed.

That would mean I’d be pretty busy for the next six months, and my expenses would include tickets to Australia as well as lodging.

I think George’s plan is getting overcomplicated. Maybe I should try something simpler.

Ballot-box stuffing? It has a stirring history, even in fandom.

Getting the Hugo committee drunk and tampering with the results while they’re not looking? Considering that they’re Aussies, the cost in booze would probably equal the cost of flying Down Under and seducing 20 women.

Campaigning for the Hugo?

No, I couldn’t do that. Campaigning is unethical, whereas outright cheating is just fun.