Princess Whatzername

So the entire world, apparently, is holding its breath waiting for the Windsors to make up their minds about what to call the latest Blessed Event.  Public opinion seems to be holding out for “Victoria,” which is certainly keeping it in the family.

But I think the Windsors should go a little more 21st Century with their names, and I humbly offer the following:

• Ariel Aurora Jasmine Belle Mulan Pocahontas Snow (All the Disney princesses in one go!)

• Spume

• Montana Python

• Bacon (because everybody loves bacon)

• Anna Randomspew Bicycle

• Prawn Cocktail

• Parsnip

• Hinkelbug Monkeypunk

• Yellow Brick Toad

• Lotus Paisley Butterfly Wonderly

• Fourth in Line

• Victoria Alexandrina von Saxe-Coberg und Gotha (“going full Victoria”)

• Ethel Shroake of 93A High Street, Leytonstone

• Lefty

• Ambrosia Penelope Morgantrotter Tabasco

And the number one name for the new princess:

• Oh fuck!  Why can’t I be George?