Them!

They know too much about me.  (You’ve heard of Them, right?)

I was looking at Amazon today, and they offered me the Easy Acid Reflux Cookbook.  How do They know I have acid reflux?  Is the pharmacy sending Them insufficiently anonymized data? Or have They been monitoring my doctor’s electronic files?

I was browsing Costanza’s LiveJournal page the other day, and up popped an ad for Implied Spaces.  I’d just put Implied Spaces on sale.  (At least They didn’t know I’d actually written the book and didn’t need a new electronic copy of it.)

And here’s the most amazing one.   I’d just started watching Season 3 of “Death in Paradise,” an entertaining example of the sort of British whodunit in which a revolving cast of established English character actors take turns murdering each other every week.  Because Season 3 features some casting changes, I picked up my iPad and went on the International Movie Database to look at the new actors.

When you look up a program on IMDB, the screen will show stills from the program at the top of the screen.  When I looked up “Death in Paradise,” all of the stills were from Season 3.  None of them featured cast members from earlier in the series.  Apparently They knew that I’d started watching Season 3 on Netflix no more than ten minutes earlier.

Now of course Congress and President .45 are revoking earlier rulings about internet privacy, so your ISP can now sell information about you, including your credit card numbers, social security numbers, browsing history, and so on— so now you can get adverts targeted to your interest in vibrators, adult diapers, fringe politics, pornography, and/or cannabis.  (Or if you possess a certain type of personality, all of the above.)  And while you’re looking at the goodies on offer, Russian hackers will be maxing your credit cards and emptying your bank account (and viewing any work documents or contracts you may have sent or received).

Of course the government— lots of governments— are keeping tabs on you as well.  But at least they aren’t inundating you with spam.

Isn’t a world ruled by Them going to be wonderful?

One of the most ingenious devices on its way to you is a new cable box which will be able to tell whether the two people watching TV on the couch are, um, “spooning.”  And if they’re spooning, they’ll get ads for hot tubs, sex aids, birth control, and romantic getaway vacations.

(And if They know you’re cheating on your spouse, you’ll get ads for Adult Friend Finder.  Plus the odd blackmail demand.)

They know when you are sleeping/They know when you’re awake/ They know if you’ve been spooning/ And if the Earth does quake.

So does anyone know a good (meaning trustworthy) VPN?   Or should I just go all Tor on their asses?