Watching the Newtster

During the time that Newt Gingrich has been out of office, I’ve completely forgotten what a special joy it is to listen to the guy.  He’s like the Creature from the Id.  He absolutely can’t suppress himself, and sees no reason why he should.  I’m almost as fascinated by Newt as Newt himself.

So now he wants to wage a campaign of assassination against Iran (assassination not only being an act of war, but the sort of thing we criticize when Iran does it).  He also says he’ll do this with “full deniability,” which is kinda hard to do when you announce your assassination campaign on national TV.

He also said that, if elected, he would not tolerate another four years of Castro.  (So that’s two wars.)  Initially he plans to drop thousands of satphones into Cuba in hopes of starting a Cuban Spring, and otherwise toughen up sanctions and whatnot on Cuba.  (Because, boys and girls, sanctions have worked so well in the past.)

(It’s not like the other candidates are less bellicose.  Romney pretty much agrees with Newt on Iran and Cuba, and Santorum says he’ll flat-out bomb Iran and has talked about a Jihadist Axis of Evil involving evil Iranian mullahs influencing the policies of Venezuela, Cuba, Ecuador, etc.  Umm, how many wars are we up to, now?)

Quick.  Name any other American presidential election where major candidates promised to go to war if elected.  Can’t name one?  I didn’t think so.

Yesterday the Newtster attacked college students as lazy, because they took too long to graduate and won’t get work-study jobs.  Surely Newt would only make such an attack from a position of strength, having worked his own way through college?

Well, no.  Newt didn’t work a single day, not from his first day in college all the way to his PhD.  Newt Wife One, along with his family,  put him through school.

I’m not sure whether he’s still attacking capitalism or not.   If so, the papers haven’t mentioned it lately.

In 2009 the Newtster supported Obama’s health care initiative, and took a lot of heat from the conservative base for it.  Now he’s against “Obamacare.”  And of course it was Romneycare before it was anything.

In 2006, Newt stated that current campaign finance rules have moved the U.S. “dangerously closer to a plutocracy where the highest bidder can buy a seat.”  Now, he’s got his personal billionaire.

In 2008 Newt appeared in a commercial with Nancy Pelosi supporting action against climate change.  Now he says that climate change isn’t caused by human action.

(I think he’s missing an opportunity here.  What he should do is admit that climate change exists and then blame the liberals for it.  “If it wasn’t for socialists and their big-government initiatives, private enterprise would have solved the climate problem years ago!”  Someone whisper this to Newt, okay?)

He used to be in favor of carbon cap-and-trade legislation.  Now he’s against it.

Okay, some of these flip-flops are necessary in order to be considered seriously as a Republican candidate.   The base will never support anyone who thinks that humans might jeopardize the environment, or who won’t promote school prayer, or that Wall Street should be regulated, or that there shouldn’t be a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay people from marrying each other.

But still, you get the impression that every day’s a new day on the Good Ship Newt.  Whatever he thinks today is what he thinks today.  If he thought something different yesterday, you should forget that, because he has, too.  And when it’s time to decide what he’s going to think tomorrow, he’ll decide that, whatever it is, without reference to anything he’s thinking now.

He’s making this stuff up as he goes along.  And it’s fascinating to watch.