Attack of the Psycho Commie Roof Zombies

by wjw on January 7, 2008

Can I just remark that today really sucked?

On a sunny morning, we set off to Home Depot to rent a 10-foot stepladder, an act made more complicated by the fact that we are the only family in Valencia County not to own a pickup truck. Strapping the ladder to the roof of Kathy’s Subaru was but the beginning of an adventure.

All this was necessary because the roof panel over the hot tub in the breezeway was beginning to fall down, and since it was a twelve-foot ceiling we needed a bigger ladder than we had on the premises.

In the event, the ladder turned out to be useless. It sprawled so much that I couldn’t get near any of the areas where I needed to work, so I ended up using smaller ladders and/or balancing precariously on the edge of the hot tub, hoping I wouldn’t accidentally step through the styrofoam cover and land in the tub.

On top of all that, the weather began to deteriorate. A hard wind began to blow, the sun went away, the temperature dropped about fifteen degrees, and rain began to come down in buckets.

Since I was after all beneath a roof the rain wasn’t a problem (except when it came to returning the ladder to Home Depot), but the wind was still biting.

On top of that, I had to hammer in long ringed nails more or less directly over my head. It was difficult to hammer straight in those conditions, and every time I thwacked away, bits of paint and plaster rained down in my face. If I missed the nailhead, I put a big dent or hole in the roof panel.

So here I am in my final outfit. A red-and-white plaid scarf is muffling my neck, I’m wearing my swank Danier jacket, and I’ve donned a sterile mask and goggles to keep bits of plaster from falling in my eyes, nose, and mouth. To keep my head and ears warm I’m wearing a rabbit-fur-lined winter hat from the People’s Liberation Army.

In the end, the job was done. Not prettily, but done.

Watch out, you lot. I’ve got a hammer, and I know how to use it.

Foxessa January 7, 2008 at 7:11 pm

The title is an accurate description!

Did you get the ladder back without mishap?

A week ago it was 11 degrees. Today it’s in the 60’s.

Crazy weather.

Love, C.

Kelly January 8, 2008 at 10:28 pm

Hah! You look utterly mad, and more than a little cold.

dubjay January 9, 2008 at 12:14 am

Oh, the ladder got back okay. It was just a little wet when it arrived, and so were we.

Today was at least sunny all day long, though it wasn’t any warmer.

Kathleen January 9, 2008 at 6:02 pm

A photo for a future book jacket cover?

Truly, I was standing there when Walter donned this costume, and I told him that it needed to be immortalized.


Foxessa January 9, 2008 at 9:10 pm

Thank goodness for Kathy — who knows what needs to be done and when!

Love, C.

Siristru January 16, 2008 at 2:46 pm

Uhahaha, what kind of cap you ware? It doesn’t look like Будёновка (budyonovka) 🙂 But is also cool 😀

dubjay January 20, 2008 at 9:15 pm

The hat is Chinese PLA surplus. Lined with rabbit fur, very warm.

It does turn heads at the local 7-11, particularly if I’m wearing boots and my military-style trenchcoat.

halojones-fan February 3, 2008 at 6:32 pm

You could have tried some improvised scaffolding; put up two smaller folding ladders and lay the long ladder across them.

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