Apocalypse Mail

by wjw on June 6, 2008

Devout Internet geeks rejoice! Now you can send email even after you’ve been raptured!
Thanks to youvebeenleftbehind.com, your nonbeliever friends can be sent a personalized email six days after the Rapture urging them to reconsider their pagan ways and join Christ’s army for the seven years of the Tribulation.
For $40 per year, you can arrange for 62 friends to receive emails from you six days after you’ve been raptured up to Heaven.
According to the web site: “We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.”

Wow! “By the email!” Sounds flawless to me!
In addition, subscribers can have up to 150mb of encrypted storage, which can be emailed to friends afterwards to tell them about powers of attorney, bank accounts, passwords, brokerage accounts, and other crucial information that might help them survive the Last Days.
The domain name is registered through a proxy service, the names of the executives are not given on the web site, and the type of encryption used for vital documents is not specified. Skeptics might find this suspicious, and suspect perhaps an elaborate phishing scam, but believers will be reassured by the site’s statement that the site is run “by Christians for Christians.”
The site also urges me to “Tell your friends about You’ve Been left behind. [sic]” I just have!
More end of the world research may be done here.
Morgan June 6, 2008 at 7:10 am

Seems like a great phishing pond to me!

Paul Weimer June 6, 2008 at 1:13 pm

Wouldn’t their friends be raptured too?

Anonymous June 6, 2008 at 2:44 pm

I’m considering that brochure on “88 Reasons the Rapture will Happen in 1988.”

Has anyone considered the possibility that it DID happen, and about three people got taken, and no one else noticed?

ALL the rest of us are left behind?

Just wondering.

–Kathy H.

David June 6, 2008 at 4:03 pm

I guess the real motivation behind all of this is that it would provide a way to say, “Nyaah, nyaah, nyaah!”

Bruce June 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Hey, Kathy H., maybe the Rapture is what happens to those Missing Young Blonde White Girls (MYBWG, henceforth) that are reported on ad nauseum on Fox News.

Hmm. God has a thing for MWBYG’s? I’m not sure I want to think about the implications of that….

paranoyd June 6, 2008 at 6:28 pm


halojones-fan June 6, 2008 at 7:02 pm

I like how it offers the ability to save power-of-attorney instructions. Because I’m sure that the depraved minions of Satan will still respect the legal system of The World That Was Before.

dubjay June 6, 2008 at 8:22 pm

Paul, even true believers have friends who may be believers, but not of quite the correct doctrinal system.

Say you follow the True Faith, which is to say that you’re an Old-School Primitive Baptist, and you have friends who are Two-Seed-in-the-Spirit Primitive Baptists or Primitive Baptist Universalists. They may have a hope of Heaven if you can just get them to accept the correct line on missionary boards and predestination. What better time to spread the Word than when they’re reeling from the shock of seeing all the Old-School Primitive Baptists flying to Heaven without passing Go?

Of course if you’re a Reformed Primitive Baptist, you go to Hell no matter what, because that’s the fate that befalls all wishy-washy commie liberals who allow musical instruments into church.

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