Fish-Faced Enemy of the Empire

by wjw on February 25, 2010

A few years ago, the University of Mississippi canned their mascot, Colonel Reb, because, well, he looked like a stereotypical slave-owning plutocrat, and even Ole Miss is committed to diversity these days.

But where to look for a new mascot? Especially if your team is called the Rebels?

You look to a galaxy far, far away.
Yes, there’s a movement on campus to replace Colonel Reb with Admiral Ackbar, whose Rebel Alliance defeated the Empire in Return of the Jedi.
No problems with diversity here, since not only is Ackbar a tactical and strategic genius, but he’s (a) an alien, and (b) a fish.
Plus, as someone whose most famous line is, “It’s a trap!”, Ackbar is uniquely qualified to recognize an opponent’s strategy and act to thwart their perfidious designs.
And speaking as someone who wrote the scenes in which Ackbar saved the galaxy in Destiny’s Way, I can only approve. Not only he is a genius, but he’s a genius who needs me to write his dialog! (Cuz I can write more interesting lines than “It’s a trap!” Trust me on this.)
No word on whether George Lucas will let Ole Miss use his creation. But it would be cool. And trust me, a whole stadium full of people chanting “Allahu Ackbar!” would be a lot more scary than all those same people waving Confederate flags.
For those unfamiliar with Ackbar, here’s the trailer for the upcoming biopic.

dubjay February 25, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Of course, if Ackbar =does= end up as mascot for Ole Miss, he'll have to stay away from the tailgate parties. Because those ol' boys will gut him and fry him up faster'n you can say "catfish."

Shash February 26, 2010 at 2:23 am

He's too experienced to fall for 'ol boy tactics, hook, line and sinker.

But he will need a speechwriter.

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