Watching the Newtster

by wjw on January 31, 2012

During the time that Newt Gingrich has been out of office, I’ve completely forgotten what a special joy it is to listen to the guy.  He’s like the Creature from the Id.  He absolutely can’t suppress himself, and sees no reason why he should.  I’m almost as fascinated by Newt as Newt himself.

So now he wants to wage a campaign of assassination against Iran (assassination not only being an act of war, but the sort of thing we criticize when Iran does it).  He also says he’ll do this with “full deniability,” which is kinda hard to do when you announce your assassination campaign on national TV.

He also said that, if elected, he would not tolerate another four years of Castro.  (So that’s two wars.)  Initially he plans to drop thousands of satphones into Cuba in hopes of starting a Cuban Spring, and otherwise toughen up sanctions and whatnot on Cuba.  (Because, boys and girls, sanctions have worked so well in the past.)

(It’s not like the other candidates are less bellicose.  Romney pretty much agrees with Newt on Iran and Cuba, and Santorum says he’ll flat-out bomb Iran and has talked about a Jihadist Axis of Evil involving evil Iranian mullahs influencing the policies of Venezuela, Cuba, Ecuador, etc.  Umm, how many wars are we up to, now?)

Quick.  Name any other American presidential election where major candidates promised to go to war if elected.  Can’t name one?  I didn’t think so.

Yesterday the Newtster attacked college students as lazy, because they took too long to graduate and won’t get work-study jobs.  Surely Newt would only make such an attack from a position of strength, having worked his own way through college?

Well, no.  Newt didn’t work a single day, not from his first day in college all the way to his PhD.  Newt Wife One, along with his family,  put him through school.

I’m not sure whether he’s still attacking capitalism or not.   If so, the papers haven’t mentioned it lately.

In 2009 the Newtster supported Obama’s health care initiative, and took a lot of heat from the conservative base for it.  Now he’s against “Obamacare.”  And of course it was Romneycare before it was anything.

In 2006, Newt stated that current campaign finance rules have moved the U.S. “dangerously closer to a plutocracy where the highest bidder can buy a seat.”  Now, he’s got his personal billionaire.

In 2008 Newt appeared in a commercial with Nancy Pelosi supporting action against climate change.  Now he says that climate change isn’t caused by human action.

(I think he’s missing an opportunity here.  What he should do is admit that climate change exists and then blame the liberals for it.  “If it wasn’t for socialists and their big-government initiatives, private enterprise would have solved the climate problem years ago!”  Someone whisper this to Newt, okay?)

He used to be in favor of carbon cap-and-trade legislation.  Now he’s against it.

Okay, some of these flip-flops are necessary in order to be considered seriously as a Republican candidate.   The base will never support anyone who thinks that humans might jeopardize the environment, or who won’t promote school prayer, or that Wall Street should be regulated, or that there shouldn’t be a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay people from marrying each other.

But still, you get the impression that every day’s a new day on the Good Ship Newt.  Whatever he thinks today is what he thinks today.  If he thought something different yesterday, you should forget that, because he has, too.  And when it’s time to decide what he’s going to think tomorrow, he’ll decide that, whatever it is, without reference to anything he’s thinking now.

He’s making this stuff up as he goes along.  And it’s fascinating to watch.

Ralf The Dog. January 31, 2012 at 6:47 am

Ubu Roi, I hope he does not become Ubu Rex. (Note, if that statement was stupid, it is because I have downloaded the plays but have yet to read them. Next on the list.)

DensityDuck January 31, 2012 at 9:32 pm

So, you’d prefer Romney or Santorum, then?

I mean, not that it matters. We’ll get Romney, and he’ll lose to Obama, because the Republican base will look at the choice between two liberals and take Door #3 (stay home).

Ralf The Dog. February 1, 2012 at 12:54 am

Mr. Duck, when I look at any of the Republicans, all I can do is laugh. I don’t think any of them have a chance in the general election. That said, I think Romney would be the least damaging of the survivors.

DorjePismo February 1, 2012 at 5:16 am

“Creature from the Id” is an inspired characterization. We’re all more or less used to things popping up in our heads. You, in fact, make a living off of that, and many of the rest of us benefit from it in various ways. But, one needs to evaluate that stuff and make reasonable decisions as to what gets kept and what doesn’t. One of the larger problems of ego out of control is that it undermines the discriminative faculty. This stuff happens everywhere in life, but it’s wonderfully entertaining when it happens on all the major news feeds at once. It’s much more fun when you don’t work for the person who’s doing it.

Shash February 2, 2012 at 4:01 am

I love watching Newt. You never know what great idea he is going to pull out of his arse, er, thin air. But I am appalled at the number of people who buy into him. Would you buy a used car from this man?

JaniceG February 2, 2012 at 4:53 am

Here a compilation of Newtster Greatest Hits from Mother Jones, in case you missed it:

He’s a scary, scary man. I think if you look up “narcissistic personality disorder,” you probably find his photo.

Ralf The Dog. February 2, 2012 at 6:03 am

He does want to build a base on the moon. This gives me mixed feelings. First off, I always support NASA. That said, there are few things NASA could do that would be more useless than building a permanent moon base.

Instead of giving a few men and women a chance to be recorded while bunny hopping around a dead rock and planting a flag or two, lets take that same money and spend it on more mars rovers and space telescopes. Even an ISS 2 would be better than a meaningless publicity stunt.

On the other hand, we could name it, “Moon Base Alpha”, dump all our nuclear waste near it, and when it all goes boom, knock the moon out of orbit. (If you don’t understand that reference, you are not old.)

DensityDuck February 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I do have to say I’m glad that the moonbase reaction, in the popular press, has been more “yeah um okay well that sounds nice” and not so much “moonbase? pffft! STUPID idea, just STUPID, I mean men on the moon? Never happen!”

wjw February 3, 2012 at 1:23 am

If members of the GOP base stay home, they’ll probably equal the number of liberals who viewed Obama as their Saviour, and who will stay home because he’s been revealed as a moderate leaning-slightly-to-the-right, sort of a modern-day Nelson Rockefeller.

But honestly, I don’t know why Republicans wouldn’t vote for a Wall Street shark. Isn’t unfettered private enterprise the ideal?

Who I’d actually like to see nominated is Ron Paul, who the GOP establishment and Fox News alike pretend doesn’t exist. Now =there= would be an election with an actual choice.

wjw February 3, 2012 at 5:17 am

I’m good with the moonbase, I guess, though I’m not sure what 30,000 people will actually =do= up there. There’s only employment for so many geologists and recycling engineers.

I guess, being Newt’s people, they’ll watch a lot of Fox News and spend their school days in prayer.

Not Todd February 3, 2012 at 7:18 am

Fifty-four forty or fight!

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