Dark Horse, Mad Dog, Warrior Monk

by wjw on April 20, 2016

You’ve probably heard of dark horse candidates, right?  Now, if certain deep-pocketed conservatives have their way, we may have a candidate that’s a mad dog.

That would be James “Mad Dog” Mattis, USMC, retired.  Former lieutenant general, former NATO Supreme Commander (Transformation), and David Petraeus’ successor as Central Command’s big honcho, with responsibility for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Mattis’ campaign is being floated by the Usual Group of Shadowy Billionaires, whose front man is former Jeb Bush aide John Noonan.  The Shadowy Set is deeply worried that Donald Trump, described by Noonan as “a reality TV show lunatic,” might become the Republican nominee, get elected, and send American foreign policy to Wackoville.

So their plan is to have Mattis announce a third-party candidacy after the Republican convention and somehow get enough electoral votes so that neither the Democrat nor the Republican wins.  This would throw the election into the House of Representatives, which is controlled by Republicans, most of whom (it is hoped) would prefer Mattis to Trump.

The problems are numerous.  Firstly, the House hasn’t decided an election in 190 years, and (given that its collective level of maturity is probably well below that of the average kindergarten) probably isn’t up to the job.

Another problem is that Mattis doesn’t want the job, and has never run for office, anywhere, and has never won (or even lost) an election.  The Shadowy Billionaires have till the convention to try to talk him into running.

And lastly, I’m guessing the Shadowy Billionaires want someone compliant, like Jeb! or Mitt Romney.  Someone from the moneyed end of the spectrum, who will let them continue to quietly continue to buy up the world, or at least the North American part of it.

Yet somehow they think that someone named Mad Dog will let them run things.  (Mattis’ other nickname is “Warrior Monk,” by the way, reflecting both his unmarried lifestyle and his intellectual interests.)  After all, this is the guy who told his troops, “be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”

It would make for an interesting debate, that’s for sure.

Chris Bauer April 20, 2016 at 7:24 am

“Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”

Thanks, Walter. I’ve found my next quote to put on a tee-shirt.

: )

mearsk April 20, 2016 at 9:18 am

Well, at least he included the “be polite, be professional” part. That’s better than a lot of generals…

Ralf T. Dog April 20, 2016 at 2:52 pm

The third candidate would need to take votes from the Republicans and the Democrats. The only way I can see this working is if, Republicans were already in position to win. In reality, the Conservative vote would turn into a three way split. Trump, the General and just stay home.

wjw April 20, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Well, you’ve got to realize that the Shadowy Billionaires think that they can buy the people’s hearts and votes, whereas now even redneck conservatives hate those guys.

So yeah, it sounds like self-delusion to me.

PhilRM April 20, 2016 at 5:30 pm

They’re even more delusional than that, since *after* the Republican convention it will be all but impossible for any third-party candidate to get on the ballot in more than a handful of states.

Ralf T. Dog April 20, 2016 at 9:28 pm

The thing about Shadowy Billionaires is, they have money and they hide in the shadows. If you have enough money, you can pay people to look honest for you. It’s even possible to hire focus groups of normal people to help you find other normal looking people to hide behind.

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