I Knew It!

by wjw on September 20, 2009

Melting polar icecaps are exposing hundreds of secret lairs!

ZACKENBERG RESEARCH STATION, GREENLAND—Claiming it to be one of the most dramatic and visible signs of climate change to date, researchers said Monday that receding polar ice caps have revealed nearly 200 clandestine lairs once buried deep beneath hundreds of feet of Arctic ice.

“We always assumed there would be some secret lairs here and there, but the sheer number now being exposed is indeed troubling,” said noted climatologist Anders Lorenzen, who claimed that the Arctic ice caps have shrunk at the alarming rate of 41,000 square miles per year. “In August alone we discovered 44 mad scientist laboratories, three highly classified military compounds, and seven reanimated and very confused cavemen. That’s more than twice the number we had found in the previous three decades combined.”

. . . Earlier this week a flying saucer surfaced and is reportedly still pulsating with increasingly intense, unearthly colors. And late last month, a mystical order of Nazi occultists emerged from an underground bunker where they had spent decades communing with the Hyperborean gods and attempting to breed a new Aryan super-species destined to destroy Homo sapiens and rule the earth for untold millennia.

The 12 elderly Germans were detained by local law enforcement in Wainwright, AK.

Dave Bishop September 21, 2009 at 8:17 am

I sincerely hope that Great Cthulu STILL sleeps in his palace at R'lyeh.

Ia! Ia! Cthulu fhtagn!

Oh dear! Sorry! What happened then? Where exactly is 'R'lyeh'? Somewhere cold, isn't it?

Dogstar September 22, 2009 at 4:02 am

Google Map R'lyeh


Ralf the Dog September 22, 2009 at 3:07 pm

The Great Cthulu turned out to be a bit of a letdown. His awakening was recorded in the documentary Cloverfield.

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